Saturday, April 16, 2011

What do you think of my essay?


What do you think of my essay?
I am supposed to write an essay for my homeschooling program but i'm not sure how it came out. A few reviews would be great :D Have you ever moved to a new place? Ever had to leave your home, pack all your belongings, say goodbye to all your friends, and go to a place where you know no one? In the past four years i’ve had to do that twice. It was very difficult but taught me a lot about life and how it can change in the blink of an eye. I was born in Connecticut and lived there until I was twelve. Growing up there I had made friends in school and was happy and comfortable. My parents had also grown up there so they knew the place well and had family in the area. Our family lived in a brick colonial with green shutters on a nice little street. We were all happy there except for my dad. When I was little my dad hurt his back and since then has had five back operations. He is currently being “held together” as he always says, by two rods and screws in his lower back. Because of this, when the winter would come he would constantly be in severe pain because of the cold. The doctors told him the only way to stop the pain would be to move to a place with a warm climate, so he applied for a transfer with his job to the sunshine state of Florida. A year went by and we never heard anything from the job. My dad had applied for a few other positions throughout the year but never heard anything back until finally, one day, he received a call letting him know that his transfer application had been accepted and he had to be in Florida within forty-five days. We were all stunned to say the least. Moving to a new place is difficult by itself, never mind having to do it in forty-five days. Eventually, my parents realized that it was impossible, especially because we still had a house to sell and my little brother and I were in the middle of the school year. So my dad went to Florida by himself for three months while my mom took care of the house and we finished out the school year. When it came time to leave everyone was exhausted. I guess thats what happens when you have to pack up your whole life in just a few short months. Saying goodbye to all your friends and family doesn't make things any easier either. I remember right before we drove away we were saying goodbye to my aunt and cousins. My mom and aunt were crying as they gave each other one last hug. Its a difficult thing leaving people behind but we had no choice at that point, so we got in the car and started thinking about our new life in the sunshine state. For the first year I hated living in Florida. I was having trouble making friends and often felt lonely and unhappy. Everyone always says when you move to a knew place you just need time to adjust but for me it felt like that place would never feel like home. Things got even worse once I started school. I found the school I went to very chaotic and unorganized. I saw a fight at least once a week and found the things that were being taught I had learned already. After a while I couldn't take being in the public school so I had my parents enroll me in a private school which had a lot less kids and the curriculum was more advanced. After switching schools things started getting better. It took some time but I finally began to adjust and make some friends. Things get going uphill from there. I really started liking Florida and finally felt like I could call it home. Unfortunately, as things got better for me, they got worse for my dads job. They started cutting back hours and soon he was only being guaranteed twenty hours a week and with my mom out of work there was no way we could live on that. So once again he put in to transfer from Florida to Charlotte, North Carolina and once again we didnt hear anything for well over a year. Seeing as how I had come to love living in Florida though I really didn't mind though. Then one day about five months ago he received another call saying his transfer had been accepted. Unlike before however, they gave us more time to pack up and move. Moving this time has been the same in some ways and different in others. I found leaving Florida more difficult than leaving Connecticut because I had become really close to my friends there. The actual moving part was the same however. It was just as chaotic as last time. I thought that since I had moved before I would be able to adjust easier and make friends more quickly, but unfortunately it’s the same as last time. I find myself missing my old friends and wanting to go back. I know that in time things will probably change as they have before, its just hard in the meantime. My family, on the other hand, seems to like it here. My little brother has made some new friends, my mom loves the scenery, and my dad loves his new job hours. So even though I don't like it, i’m glad my family does. Thinking about my life in the past four years, I cant help think about how fast life can chang
Words & Wordplay - 1 Answers
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1 :
Lose the 'Things get going uphill from there' bit. It's good.

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